“If someone rejects you, and it does hurt (whether we admit it or not), ask yourself why.”
- Melanie Thomas
As my wise friend and relative Melanie Thomas says, it’s important to be aware of your weaknesses and faults. To help improve your character as you go through life, Melanie says to ask yourself why you’ve been rejected. Were you unkind, unfair or mean? Or was it because you stood up for an issue that you believed in? If the rejection is because someone does not agree with your principles, then hopefully the person would not dwell on negative thoughts. No one should have to give up their beliefs and principles unless they are shown to be false and unworthy, Melanie asserts. Sometimes you just can’t please a person, no matter what you do. “I believe if you’ve been unfair, you should admit it to yourself and ask forgiveness of the other person. But if you have been honorable and reasonable in your words and actions, then you have to forgive the other person for his or her actions.”
She emphasizes the need to take time to listen to the other person and try to understand them to the best of our ability. For me, writing is the way to process rejection. When I receive negative feedback in student evaluations, I write about the comments to better understand them and determine how to address them—reflect on what I did or did not do to negatively impact the student, change my teaching approach to avoid future occurrences, or accept that my teaching style is not the right fit for that student. Ideally, I’d set up a meeting to talk with the student about his or her feedback and, if I determined I was in the wrong, apologize; because the feedback is anonymous and comes at the end of the term, I’m unable to do so. However, I aim to bring this same process to other areas of my life with people to whom I’m able to apologize and seek forgiveness when needed.
How do you handle rejection? Would change, forgiveness or acceptance boost your energy?
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